Oil change

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LovelyLadyLux
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Oil change

Post by LovelyLadyLux » Fri Oct 12, 2018 9:32 pm

> Oil Change instructions for Women:
>
> 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last
> oil change.
> 2) Drink a cup of coffee.
> 3) 15 minutes later, pay and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
>
> Money spent:
> Oil Change:
> $20.00
> Coffee: $1.00
> Total: $21.00
> ==========
> Oil Change instructions for Men :

> 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
> filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, pay $50.00.
> 2) Stop and buy a case of beer, pay $20, drive home.
> 3) Open a beer and drink it.
> 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> 7) Place drain pan under engine..
> 8) Look for 13mm box end wrench.
> 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> 10) Unscrew drain plug.
> 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
> Cuss.
> 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw
> kitty litter on spilled oil.
> 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and
> twist off.
> 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
> everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can
> to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
> surface.
> 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> 19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> 21) Drink beer.
> 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty
> litter on oil spill.
> 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
> 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag
> used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain
> plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles
> and frame.
> 25) Begin cussing fit.
> 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
> 28) Beer.
> 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
> 30) Beer.
> 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> 32) Beer.
> 33) Lower car from jack stands.
> 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any
> missed steps.
> 35) Beer.
> 36) Test drive car.
> 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> 38) Car gets impounded.
> 39) Call loving wife, make bail..
> 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
>
> Money spent:
> Parts: $50.00
> DUI: $2500.00
> Impound fee: $75.00
> Bail: $1500.00
> Beer: $20.00
> Total: $4,145.00
>
> Knowing the job was done correctly..... Priceless



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