Kids
Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2018 2:27 am
> It was that time, during the Sunday morning
> service, for the children's sermon.
> All the children were invited to come forward.
> One little girl was wearing a particularly
> pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over
> and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your
> Easter Dress?"
> The little girl replied, directly into the
> pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says
> it's a bitch to iron."
>
>
>
> A little boy was doing his math homework. He
> said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is
> seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine..."
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
> "What are you doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my
> math homework, Mom."
>
> "And this is how your teacher taught you to
> do it?" the mother asked.
>
> "Yes," he answered.
>
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the
> next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
>
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are
> learning addition."
>
> The mother asked, "And are you teaching
> them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is
> four?"
>
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she
> answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE
> SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>
>
>
>
>
> A certain little girl, when asked her name,
> would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's
> daughter."
>
> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must
> say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
>
> The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and
> said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's
> daughter?"
> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother
> says I'm not."
>
>
> A little girl goes to the barber shop with her
> father.
>
> She stands next to the barber chair, while her
> dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
> The barber says to her, "Sweetheart,
> you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
>
> She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna
> get boobs too."
>
>
>
>
> The minister started his Children’s Sermon
> with a question, “Who knows what a Resurrection is?”
> Without missing a beat a young boy says, “If
> you have one lasting more than 4 hours call your
> physician.” The pastor is still laughing.
>
>
>
>
>
> One day the first grade teacher was reading the
> story of Chicken Little to her class. She came
> to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn
> the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went
> up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky
> is falling!"
> The teacher paused then asked the class,
> "And what do you think that farmer said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said,
> "I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking
> chicken!'"
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
> minutes.
> service, for the children's sermon.
> All the children were invited to come forward.
> One little girl was wearing a particularly
> pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over
> and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your
> Easter Dress?"
> The little girl replied, directly into the
> pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says
> it's a bitch to iron."
>
>
>
> A little boy was doing his math homework. He
> said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is
> seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine..."
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
> "What are you doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my
> math homework, Mom."
>
> "And this is how your teacher taught you to
> do it?" the mother asked.
>
> "Yes," he answered.
>
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the
> next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
>
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are
> learning addition."
>
> The mother asked, "And are you teaching
> them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is
> four?"
>
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she
> answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE
> SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>
>
>
>
>
> A certain little girl, when asked her name,
> would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's
> daughter."
>
> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must
> say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
>
> The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and
> said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's
> daughter?"
> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother
> says I'm not."
>
>
> A little girl goes to the barber shop with her
> father.
>
> She stands next to the barber chair, while her
> dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
> The barber says to her, "Sweetheart,
> you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
>
> She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna
> get boobs too."
>
>
>
>
> The minister started his Children’s Sermon
> with a question, “Who knows what a Resurrection is?”
> Without missing a beat a young boy says, “If
> you have one lasting more than 4 hours call your
> physician.” The pastor is still laughing.
>
>
>
>
>
> One day the first grade teacher was reading the
> story of Chicken Little to her class. She came
> to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn
> the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went
> up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky
> is falling!"
> The teacher paused then asked the class,
> "And what do you think that farmer said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said,
> "I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking
> chicken!'"
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
> minutes.
