Today

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LovelyLadyLux
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Today

Post by LovelyLadyLux » Tue Aug 07, 2018 6:51 pm

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?

A drunken man who smelled like liquor sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father,what causes arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be, " Then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."



NEW YORKERS
Two business men in New York City are sitting down for a break in their
soon- to-be new store. As yet, the store isn't ready -- only a few
shelves are set up.

One says to the other, "I bet any minute now some tourist is going to
Walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious
hill-billy from the south walks to the window, has a peek, and in a
Southern drawl asks, "What're y'all sellin' here?"

One of the men replies, "Oh! We're selling assholes here.

Without skipping a beat, the southerner says, "Well, I see y'all're
Doing really good, you only got two left!"


The Preacher
"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the Preacher says.

Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you."

Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy.

After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks ,"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't till next Wednesday!"



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Re: Today

Post by Horus » Tue Aug 07, 2018 8:00 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: All good ones ;)
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