Egypt4u

Have to sit at the dinner table until you ate everything on your plate?

My mother used to be one of the world's worst cooks. She'd flavour our mashed potatoes with raw white boiling onions and expect me and my brother to eat them. She boil ditch dug asparagus and never allow us to leave 'til we ate it all AND if we ate 1 mouthful that was sufficient to let her know we'd eat 2 and probably could easily be coerced into eating 3 mouthfuls.

I grew up thinking some child in India was going to starve to death cause I didn't eat some horrible concoction she put together. I'd sit at the table 'til my butt was numb and then reflexively gag whilst trying to eat whatever she deemed necessary in order for me to get down. Not sure what the point of her admonishments to the kitchen table and chair were for and they really never did work 'cept to reinforce in me, as an adult, there are some things that will enver cross my lips.

Does anybody find themselves doing this with their children?

I know exactly where you are coming from with this one, here in the UK it was a case that my own generation was still in the grips of rationing due to WW2. Although it was all over it did not stop the use of ration books for some foods (especially sweets) until around 1954, so we didn’t get a lot of those for a start. Our mothers would usually employ the “eat what you have on your plate” philosophy to food, more from a point of not wasting it rather than it being good for you. I suppose we have all gagged at something we didn’t like, but were made to eat it in the interest of “it is good for you” or “there is nothing wrong with that, get it eaten”. That has resulted in me eating just about anything, I really don’t have anything I do not really like other than perhaps Tuna, everything else will usually get eaten.

With our own children there was a lot more choice and food was easier to prepare with the event of frozen foods and more variety in tinned goods. Although Mrs H has always been a good cook and will use lots of fresh stuff and our food is nicely balanced with plenty of vegetables, salads and fresh fruit, this helps to counter all the crap that I would eat if left to my own devices. Our grandchildren always come for Sunday lunch and they both eat everything on their plate, we have always encouraged them by saying things like “lets go get some of Granddads Carrots” or Green Beans. My wife will never leave something off their plate that they are not so keen on, instead she just puts them less, so if one likes Cauliflower she will put more of that on their plate and maybe a small amount of Brussel Sprouts if they don’t like those, usually it all gets eaten. It is a source of embarrassment for my son and his wife if they are dining out and the Granddaughter exclaims quite loudly that “this is not as nice as my Nana’s dinner!”

My mum was a very good cook but by the age of 5 or 6 she had given up trying to get me to eat veg (except potatoes and garden peas {not mushy}) or fish or cheaper cuts of meat. I was told I couldn't leave the table until the plate was cleared - I'd just go to sleep until dinner time at which point I either got a 'new' meal or left with the lunch meal which I still wouldn't eat so she would have to give in as there was no way she could let me go to bed hungry. These days I'll eat most things (not sprouts) but part of that is down to smoking - taste buds aren't as good but when I do give up the dreaded weed and the taste buds return then most veg goes out the window along with the fish.

Yes i was made to eat everything on my plate, then like so many people who were numpties like me, i used to save my favourite until last, so by the time i had made myself eat things i didnt really like much , i was full and then would frequently eat what WAS my favourite thing when it was hot STONE COLD!!!

@ Christine, I reckon a lot of us do that Chris, saving the best bit until last

Yes, we were expected to eat everything and, if we didn't, we wouldn't get pudding. My Mom's also a good cook, so no hardship. My son will try everything and there are very few things he doesn't like. I have read that it is important to give babies the widest variety of tastes possible from when they start to be weaned and then they are not finicky about food. I always used to have whatever meal I wanted, including curries, chinese food, etc and share it with him. I gave that up when he started eating more than me.

@KJB same here, but our problem was is it good to give a child wine/beer alcohol in smal amounts so that there is no mystery surrounding it...........well i would say no, its not a good idea at all, as my kids teenage years flashed by in a drunken blurr, thiers not mine i hasten to add

Now I would put a different slant on that Chris, my own son is a big lad so even at 15 he could pass for 18 and many times I would take him with me to my local and buy him a pint. I always stressed to him that the object of coming with me was to socialise and not to get drunk. He learned from the behaviour of other older guys that yes we could have a laugh and a joke and a bit of ribbing of each other, but that there was also respect for other people, that you did not shout the old guy in the corner down or be discourteous to the old dear sitting with half a Shandy.

He learned that we guys could swear in our own company, but refrained from doing so when there were women present, he learned that by listening to wiser and not so wise heads, that things like politics and religion, football and cricket could arouse great passion in some people, especially if they had quaffed a few drinks. But most of all I think he learned that when you are a young pup, you should just sit and learn from the older dogs and don’t try barking or snapping too much or too early and in that way you will be better integrated and accepted within the social group.

The biggest problem today is that youngsters drink in separated groups due to the social life they lead and so are excluded from a more representative social group of all ages and sexes. They become isolated and believe that the behaviour of their peer group is all that matters, so if loutish behaviour results, then that is accepted as the norm because they do not have the restraint of an older group to control or moderate their behaviour in pubs.

I am pleased to say that my own social experiment worked extremely well and that my son who can drink as good as the next man, has never behaved in this manner or given me any cause to regret exposing him to some moderate drinking at an earlier age.

Happily our kids are socialable happy adults, my son has 4 of his own children now and realises why we imposed many little bans/sanctions on things in his more formative years, my earlier comments were tongue in cheek to be honest H, as i do recall some of thier antics, mainly fuelled by booze rather than enthusiasm i would have thought

Mind you Chris, I do recall one incident when Mrs H thought that he was really ill as he kept being sick and was incoherent, one sniff as I entered his bedroom soon told me he had been sampling my home made wine while we were out.

When you were a kid when did you ever talk back? I'm not sure I ever did but more and more kids today talk to adults at the same level as adults talk to adult.

Good thing or bad?

Many a time I chanced my luck speaking back to my parents, being the only daughter in the middle of 5 brothers I had to stick up for myself.

When we were fighting my father would come & settle us all down but Me I would speak back & say "why" where as my brother's would all shut up.

It got worse for me when in my teenage years again when I went out my father gave me a time to be back home (my brothers didn't), if I wasn't he'd come looking for me.

Often I would get grounded for a week for being late then for speaking back, the boys didn't, this went on for years

I can remember it all to this day , I guess having an over protective father explains it all.

Oooh, I didn't have you pegged as being naughty Kiya

I flicked through this thread thinking it was a new one and was pleased to see some old friends posting.......then I checked the dates A 5 year gap

Going back to LLL's first comment, I don't remember being fussy about food. What I do remember from the years when my father was away with the army, was the weekend routine. I remember quite large meat joints being available and Sunday would be a roast with vegetables and a 'proper' Youkshire pud. Monday was washday so dinner (that was at mid day and as my school was quite near I would go home) would be cold meat with pickles and 'Bubble and Squeak'. Tuesday would be the remains of the meat minced with some onion and served with mashed potato. So the Sunday joint lasted three days.

I don't recall answering my parents back. My father was quite strict but not overbearing, and I thank him for that. I like to think that I followed in the same mould and my three children never gave us any worries. Of course there would be disagreements but nothing serious.

I was a little skinny, fragile kid that didn't like eating. Nothing wrong with the food as my mother was a good cook, it was the eating part. What no-one realised was that I have a very narrow gullet, and obviously still have. So I was at the table still plodding through the small portion I was offered when everyone else had left the table and done the washing up. I remember frequently being swung by my legs as I choked on something. I skinned peas and beans until I was in my teens when I just avoided them.

We didn't have a joint of meat until I was in my teens, as my father was a Wildfowler and also went shooting every week with the local gamekeeper.

Food was never important to me so when my father died I was 16 years old 5ft 8ins and weighed 6st 10lbs. I stayed thin until I had post natal depression after my second daughter. Since then depression and comfort eating have been a big problem.

With my own children since they were toddlers, we had serving dishes and they took want they wanted on the understanding that they could have more when they had finished what was on their plate - though anything left they had to eat at the next meal first before anything else.

I have seen parents load their children's plate and the child eats it to please the parent with resulting obesity. Old habits die hard.

Strong discipline as a child, though 2 years at boarding school made me more independent. Answering my Mother back was uncommon and never my Father, ever!

I must admit I was surprised to see this one resurrected
I had a similar upbringing to you Grandad, basic but within a good home with reasonable but not severe discipline, never did me any harm.