Monday Blues ? Here's a cure..
Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 9:54 pm
Maybe not all of these are P.C. but what else would you expect 
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time...
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed
him in front of a train. He was chuffed to bits.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...
I thought to myself, these idiots have lost the plot!!
I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could
check her balance.
Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was
refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....
'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the
humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went
to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! To hell with this, I thought,
I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield ..
3.1415927 dead
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a set of bathroom scales.
I saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I've got the big C," he said.
"What, cancer?"
"No, dyslexia."
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time...
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed
him in front of a train. He was chuffed to bits.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...
I thought to myself, these idiots have lost the plot!!
I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could
check her balance.
Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was
refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....
'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the
humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went
to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! To hell with this, I thought,
I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield ..
3.1415927 dead
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a set of bathroom scales.
I saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I've got the big C," he said.
"What, cancer?"
"No, dyslexia."
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
:):):)