Not a swear word at all

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LovelyLadyLux
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Not a swear word at all

Post by LovelyLadyLux »

> Jewish Comedians.
>
> Some of us miss the good old Yiddish humor.
>
> Not a single swear word in their comic routines, as shown below:
>
>
> A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?"
>
> The man says, "I make a good living."
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me!
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
>
> We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife calls it the Dead Sea .
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> My wife and I revisited the hotel where we spent our wedding night. This time I was the one who stayed in the bathroom and cried.
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
>
> Mrs. Cohen replied, "So did my arthritis."
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor:
>
> "See! What did I tell you?"
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?
>
> The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears. " Doctor: "Don't answer!"
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking.
>
> The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> A man called his mother in Florida . "Mom, how are you?"
>
> "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
>
> The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
>
> She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
>
> The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
>
> The mother answered, “Because I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you should call."
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> A Jewish man said that when he was growing up, they always had two choices for dinner - Take it or leave it.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.
>
> She asks, "What part is it?"
>
> The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
>
> The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part"
>


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