The Irish

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LovelyLadyLux
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The Irish

Post by LovelyLadyLux »

Gotta Love the Irish

Paddy was
driving down the street in a sweat because he had an
important meeting and couldn't find a parking
place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord
take pity on me. If you find me a parking
place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me
life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously,
a parking place
appeared.

Paddy looked
up again and said, "Never mind, I found
one."

******************

Father Murphy
walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he
meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said,
"I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the
wall."


Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to
heaven?"
"Certainly,
Father," the man replied.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the
priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Do you want to
go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to
tell me that when you die you don't want to go to
heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were
getting a group together to go right now."

********************

Paddy was in New York.

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy
street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the
sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy
went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics
across?"

******************

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read
in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin'
from?"

********************

An Irish priest is driving down to New
York and gets stopped for speeding in
Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath
and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the
car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it
again!"

**************************

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a
stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and
knees."

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did
she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

**************************


Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his
drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their
upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on
his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back
pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and
looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks
were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly
find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a
Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw
blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and
stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his
head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Patton said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Kathleen said, "it could be the open front door, it
could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs,
it could be the drops of blood trailing through the
house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but
mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."

:br :br :br :br :br


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Re: The Irish

Post by Horus »

:lol: :lol: all good :up
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